To explain my title.. Tim Horton's is having their annual Roll Up The Rim to Win contest, and I swear to god, if I get another losing cup, I'm going to flip on someone. I thought maybe they printed more winners on the XL cups, but I was wrong, Grrr!
So things are starting to look up! I'm glad to say :) I had my last interview with Lowe's today with the store manager, who I thought would be really strict and old and stuff, but he was pretty young and he had the attitude of a teacher. He was understanding and polite, it was nice. I didn't feel so nervous after I got into the room :) So we sat down and he asked me a few questions and I answered them taking my time haha Which to me, made me look slow, not in a speed sort of way, but a mental disability sort of way XD But I guess he didn't see that. He gave me the job and asked me if I wanted to take a day to think about it and I was like "NOPE LET'S DO THIS!" and he was like "Great!" so I filled out the papers and I am now an employee at Lowe's home renovation center :D So the orientation is on Saturday morning at 8am T-T Which is pretty early for me. I mean 9:30 today was  pretty early for me haha Anyway I'm pretty happy about that. I have to get some steel toed boots though, but I'm sure they won't be too hard to find. Yay me! :)
Uhm sort of had an issue with a friend but it's getting sorted out slowly :) I'm still pretty happy about that haha.
Once I get this job, I'm going to try and join a gym, and also my friend wants me to try yoga with her :) Which I think would be fun and good for me :D
I had a fight with a friend of mine, but we just bounced back into the friendship like nothing happened haha so that's great :D
OH I should mention that there were at least 5 hot guys working at Lowe's today, just TODAY. Man I hope I can find me a boy there haha Wouldn't that be nice? :P But now I know that something is going to go wrong, It always does. Lots of good things happen and then bad things happen. It's the balance of life for me haha
Oh I found a little video haha It's pretty funny. I'm sorry for anyone who is insulted by it, it's not meant to be racist, just funny.

( Video! )

I think that's pretty much it. OH I got my hair cut, I'll post pictures soon I guess. It's not that big-a-deal but maybe someone cares haha
Oh I wanted to thank zeitgeist_10  for her support :) It means a lot, really :D And miss_bushido  , we need more TLI fangirl talk, I miss it :P

Stay fresh kiddies!
[kirstie.hope] ♥ 

Alright so it's 2pm on March 26th and I've gotten up at about 9:30 am, which is early for me. A few months ago I was living in Ajax (a town only an hour or so from where I am now;Bellevil​le) with my dad and I had a real hard time sleeping. I was up until 4, sometimes 5am, on the laptop, wasting my time. But lately, now that I'm home, I've been going to bed at midnight, maybe earlier and waking up early. Now I know why I've been waking up early, it's to talk to a certain someone and I blame and thank him for it. He's put my sleeping habits back to normal so when I do find a job, I won't find myself exhausted during the day. I've been drinking a lot of pop lately, actually and I think I should really stop.. I think it's the reason I'm so overweight, that and I don't move during the day. I've considered going to the gym, but you need money for that, which I don't have, and I want to go swimming, but again there's the issue of money. There are only a few things that really put me down... and lately they've all been happening at once. I feel like I can't even look at myself in the mirror. The only thing I even remotely like about myself is my face, because I can put make-up on and look something close to "good"​. I absolutely hate my body and don't know how anyone could be attracted to me, even though I know of no one who is anyway. That's another thing, I'm a very passionate person, and when I get a crush on someone, it becomes somewhat of an obsession. I obsess for a few weeks and then it dies off. I do it all the time. The last guy I liked lasted for a while, but it was the same thing, I obsessed over him. I recently discovered Stephen Colbert and went nuts about him for a few months and now I don't even watch his show. A week or so ago I found the band The Lonely Island and I'm still pretty crazy about them, but not as much as I was. Now I've found this awesome guy to talk to online and I feel like I'm doing it again, but I can't stop myself. And what am I supposed to do? This guy makes me happier than most of the people in my life and I can't explain it. I'm trying to slow down and control myself but as soon as he's online, my heart skips a beat and I smile uncontrollab​ly. I hope this doesn't die off in a few weeks, that would tear me to shreds...
Speaking of tearing me to shreds.. I should explain my moving situation. I used to live with my mom and brother in a 2 bedroom apartment, my mom and I shared one room and my brother had his own. Not too long ago my brother moved out and I had my own room, but the time came where I felt I needed to move on. I wasn't in school and had a part-time job with limited hours. Well my dad lives in a town called Ajax not too far from here and I asked him if I could move down there. He agreed. I found a job in no time, and moved into the basement apartment with him, living in the living room and sleeping on the fold out couch. Well I quit my job only a few months after and couldn't seem to find a new one and it was costing my dad, so we discussed me moving back to Belleville but didn't really decide anything.. Until we visited Belleville one weekend and went to dinner with my brother. My dad announces that he's moving out of Ajax and that I have to move back in with my mom (Oh yeah I forgot to mention my brother moved back in with my mom, so I have no room) So I was forced out of my dads place and am now living in the living room of my moms apartment. And now she wants to kick me out, and I'm having the worst time trying to find a job.
My friends are kind of bumming me out, it seems like they always want to hang out, but when it comes down to it, they don't organize anything or they aren't free or never get back to me. I find it really stressful and confusing. It makes me wonder if they've changed too much and have forgotten me, or if I've changed and they don't like me anymore. Plus a handful are going to university or college in the fall and are moving out of Belleville so I'll never see them.
Which is another thing. I want to go to college really bad, but I don't feel like I'm ready. I want to have a job and money before I go. And I really want to go for theater arts. My dream job is to work on a show like SNL or Madtv. Plus I'd love to be in movies and tv shows. The whole Hollywood glamour thing comes into play a little, but I don't need it. I just want to be known...
To be honest, I hate this whole internet thing. I hate meeting people online.. because I'm so outgoing, I feel like it's a waste, and when I'm trying so hard just to find someone to talk to, I find most of the people who contact me are looking for some sort of sexual release. I'm sorry, I like sex.. sure reading sexual things is a turn on, but I don't get the point of cyber sex.. It's just pointless and I'm getting pretty sick of it. And I can just imagine the thoughts going  through some people's minds when I say "Oh I've found this awesome guy!" "Oh really? Where's he live?" "Oh..An​other country..."​ the looks are pretty hurtful... and it makes me feel bad. Like sorry the guys I want don't want me back. That's not something I can change.
Wow this note is a lot bigger than I thought it would be haha Sorry for anyone who bothers to read this! I guess I'll stop. Maybe post another one later.

[kirstie.hop​e]♥

"This is the first and last time," he says.
She fakes a smile and presses her hips into his.
He keeps his hands pinned down at his sides.
He's holding back from telling her
exactly what it really feels like.

He is the lamb, she is the slaughter.
She's moving way too fast and all he wanted was to hold her.
Nothing that he tells her is really having an effect.
He whispers that he loves her,
but she's probably only looking for se-
So much more than he could ever give..

 Alrighty, so I still have no job right now. But I have been applying recently. I applied to Shopper's, no call, and then tonight I applied at Blockbuster and picked up applications for Payless and The Real Canadian Super Store (a grocery store) so hopefully when I take in my resume tomorrow with the apps, I'll get a goddamn call back.

Anyway I thought things have got to change, and I made this decision a little too early because I have no money to change things. But anyway I applied on goodlife.com for three free visits. So I showed up at goodlife and got a look around and all the info and a free book. It seems like an awesome place! SO I went the next day (today) and showed up for a work out! I was there from 6-9. Treadmill, eliptical(sp), the bike and weight training. I'm sure I'll be sore tomorrow but it was great! I really can't wait to get a job so I can workout there more often. I'm going to go every day til my free membership expires, which is Feb 7 haha. But still, I think it'll be worth it:) Yay for change!

In other news, my dad applied at Clarington Honda, so he might get a job there, and also there are some guys going to work in a dealership in Newmarket which is north of TO, and they'd promise him better pay and good hours. So we might actually move to Newmarket if the opportunity calls. And I wouldn't mind moving there.

With Andrew things are okay. Still talking mormally, we webcammed tonight but only for a few minutes, he was pretty busy.
But I want to see him and hang out.I think it'd be fun. Though he wants to be alone... I guess he wants to bang haha Anyway I dunno.

The stupid rash I had has disappeared. So the cream must be working, and I cut out any body wash I was using :) Yay for clear skin! Oh and my legs seem to be really soft too, which is awesome. I think those acne bumps are going away :D

So life is alright right now :) Yayy:D

[kirstie.hope]
♥

 So this is going to be a short one. I just want to mention that I think I may have medium abilities. And I think there's something up with my dad's place. I always feel like there's someone else around me when I'm hear. I'm aware of the people who are living here, but it feels like there's someone else. There's an extra body in the house. And sometimes it really freaks me out. I find it hard to sleep some nights because I feel like there's someone here. I'm not sure what to do... I mean I don't think I should tell my dad because he might not believe me or he might suggest that I leave.

I've had this feeling before, when I lived in North Park st. My mom and I always felt something when we were upstairs, or when we were going down the stairs. I have that same feeling here, like I'm being watched. Either there's something in both these places, there's someone following me, or I have medium abilities. Anyway I just wanted to get it out... I think I'm going to look into mediums and how to lock into it.


kirstie.hope
[ ♥ ]

Alright so it's been a little while. and I didn't realize how long until chels proved to me that my last post wasn't since last month (or so) but I must admit, I have nothing exciting going on. So I've decided to post this new update at 2:30 am, on Dec 30 :) Hoorah! So Christmas was good. I didn't get the damn movie I've wanted for like 2 years now (the Holiday) but I got Dinosaur which is an awesome cute movie that I love. I just wasn't expecting it. I got a hair straightener which is kick ass. I got a bunch of little things like gum,chocolate, a manicure set thingy, make up brushes, socks, mittens, a big make up kit and so on. I love them all :) New Years I'm going to jess' house for a party. It's been a while since I've been drunk at her place so I'm looking forward to it haha. So living with my dad is fuckin awesome. We are like SUPER tight. And I don't know if I said that in my last post or not, I probably did, but nothing has changed so who cares haha. I've had a bit of spiced rum, excuse my attitude.
So I've been watching ALOT of romantic movies lately, and it's got me feeling pretty lonely. Like more than usual, which is hard to do. But now I'm feeling really picky and really desperate at the same time... Like I want that perfect man(picky).. but I want him NOW(desperate). And some days I just want someone to bang haha :P It's really becoming hard for me to cope. (Hence the spiced rum...) Anyway I just miss kissing. That's all. And being in Ajax is so lonely. I just want what I have in Ajax to be here. And for Belleville to actually be a place that can give you a future... Because I am so happy in Ajax but there's really nothing there for me. Other than petty jobs. Also I'm thinking Alberta might be a good idea... there's a lot of opportunity there and my dad really wants to go.. but all my friends! I'd miss you guys so much. You have no idea how much you guys mean to me. Honestly. I wish I could see you guys all day everyday because I love you so much and we all have so much fun together. Oh man.. Anyway... I went to Chels' the other night. And we played LIPS which is a singing game and it was SO much fun. I swear I lost a few pounds just from dancing haha And we stayed up til 6 and I did her nails and straightened her hair :P It was a lot of fun and I hope to see her again before I leave! :D Hint Hint haha. Anyway I think thats it.
Will post later.
Love!

[♥]
kirstie.effing.hope

PS my avie of Stephen Colbert is HOT :D<3

 I'm sorry my life isn't that exciting :( But I have an update. Of nothingness.
 Still in Ajax, and though I'm never out, I'm loving it. I quit my job and rebooted my resume, now all I have to do is print it off and get out there to apply! I heard some ladies left Shopper's Drug mart down the street, which means that it's open! So I have to get applying FAST! Uhm my cell phone bills aren't getting paid off cause I'm poor. So mom is paying off October's for me, but if she has to pay off November's too, she won't get me anything for Xmas. Nice eh? But I see why, obvs.
 Uh boys are icky. I'm either liked by someone I think is repulsive, or am only wanted for sex, or not wanted by anyone! Alex stopped talking to me because he has a girlfriend... uh.. kay? I don't get men, Please someone explain this to me...
 I have these itchy bumps of clear liquid on my hands that turn into dead skin and go away... Apparently it's from the dry air and the winter. It sucks. And there's some sort of yeast reaction in my body that's resulting in itchy areas all over me. Mostly my back D: Which I can't reach!! Blast it all to hell!!
Dad is awesome :) He's the best person ever. We have such a great connection now. And I'm glad he let me come here. :P 
 I love Stephen Colbert :)
 Last night on his show, he was talking about the govenor who got arrested, and it turns out it's that guy's birthday, and Colbert tried to do one of those blowey things, you know, the annoying thing that shoots out when you blow on it? Anyway, he failed. It fell down and he sat there laughing for a while haha It was funny. ..... you have to see it.
Anyway I'm just rambling on to make this post seem important. :)

love you all
PS Bobby & chelsea going to see Britney? HAHA you two are funny. :P Have fun if you do!
Kirt
[&hearts;]

So I don't know if you know this about me, but I get passionate about... things. Usually people... usually men. There's always been someone that I have been crazy about, to name a couple... Tyler Rankin... Royal Millan (I've never met him though... he's a guy on youtube) but most recently I've become passionate about Stephen Colbert. I know it's weird.. he's old and stuff I know. I'm not necessarily thinking that he's a major hunk or anything, I'm just... attracted to him. He's funny, ambitious, couragous and honest to name a few of his personality traits and I think that's whats drawing me to him so much. Anyway I watch his show; The Colbert Report and I love it. I get that he's just a character but I was interested to see what he has to say. Turns out he can be pretty damn funny. So I learn about the news in an entertaining way. It's pretty kick ass. So I'm sitting there watching the Comedy Network Sunday night and on comes this weird show called Strangers with Candy. I'm watching for a few minutes and out of no where I see Colbert's face! Turns out he and two others on the show were also in an improv show called Exit 57. I went to the Comedynetwork.ca and found all the episodes and watched them all this week ( I think I'll buy the box set, it's pretty funny). Also I got bored one night so I went to youtube and found some pretty cool clips and fanvids of Colbert. Now I can't help but be passionate about him. When he was young.. and without glasses.. he was pretty hunky, I'll admit. Not so much anymore. Anyway I admire the guy. And he is the reason for the next paragraph.

I want to act. I lied to myself before and said I wanted to do massage therapy because I figured I could do well in that business but it wasn't really what I wanted to do. I want to act. So I thought about it a little and I decided I need to move to New York or LA to actually find something that could give me a good start. I thought about it and thought about who I could move there with. Trevor came up. So I called him and swung the idea by him and he's totally up for it! So I think the plan would be to go to college here for acting and save up, then move and find a good job in New York and shoot for acting! Trevor wants to act too, that's why I asked him. We're looking into colleges this week and we'll see what happens! Imagine! Man it'd be so fun to be on a show like MADtv or in a sitcom. Wish us luck guys :)

Kirstie.hope
[<3]

 Alright well a little update I suppose. I don't update my damn written journal so let's hope this website stays up. Wouldn't that be cool to come to this website like 20 years later? "Oh the good ol' days.." NOT.
I got off track. So I went to Ajax from Tuesday to Saturday and  immediately I was sent out to apply for a job. Dad knows that it's not a fun thing to do but he really wants me to find a job. So he would drive me to these little shopping centers (well I shouldn't say little because everything is super sized over there) and I went from store to store and handed out resumes. As well as the Whitby Mall and the Oshawa Center. I really like the Oshawa Center but all the stores seem to be really expensive ones. At the Oshawa Center I applied at alot of shoe stores and other stores like Ardene's and Claire's and stuff. But I went into Old Navy and they said they were hiring so I should apply online (PS if you ever apply online, make sure you have like 2 hours set aside because it takes forever to fill the damn thing out) so I did and am waiting for a response. But I did some shopping there before I left and found a really nice pair of grey business pants and a nice black top that would go with it. I wanted to buy them but that was like an $80 purchase right there. No thanks! but I noticed a lot of the clothing stores I went to that they only go to large or 14 and when I walked in, the people working were like giving me looks like "You can't fit into anything here.. why would you shop here?" It was pretty rude. So then I went to the Whitby mall which is like our Bayview mall but smaller. And I applied at a Claire's there. And I bought a purse which is so not like me, but I liked it so. It's dark grey and big and I like it haha. And I bought leggings too. Yayyy! Oh I bought hoop earrings as well but at a different store. So there's this store there called Urban Planet and I just love it. But it only goes to large so it's hard to find your size. Anyway I found a top for $10. Not bad! So dad dropped me off at a shopping area like the Boston Pizza area that we have but about ten times bigger. So I applied at Roots cause they were hiring, and La Senza and more shoe stores, And then Penningtons! And Penningtons told me to call when I knew I was coming down again and we'd set up an interview. Yayyyy! :D I've always wanted to work there (:
 So I guess things are actually going to happen. Once we get an appartment maybe I'll work at Penningtons for a year and then get my bartenders thing and then off to college! But my dad has been talking bout moving to Alberta for a job opp but I'm trying to convince him not to go. Obviously. It'd ruin everything we've planned!
 Other than that things are alright I suppose. It's such a difference between my mom and dad. Like for example, we both went out to McDonald's and got the same meal using the same coupon. When my dad was ordering with me, he ordered his and then I ordered mine, and when it was with my mom she was telling the chick everything and like not even asking me what I wanted and stuff. When I ate with my dad we both ate our fries first and were just chillin. But with my mom she was like hasseling me to eat my burger, like I wasn't going to eat it all :| It's more annoying with her. And I remember why I'm moving.
I've been dreaming about Tyler alot lately which is really weird I know. And everytime  I encounter him I'm like apologizing and saying I miss him and all that which I don't really so I don't know why I'm dreaming about it. Anyway and I've been dreaming of Kyle too. So I guess I really want a male companion right now. Even though I'm not really worrying about that right now. It's sort of my subconcious.
Uh on my next paycheck I'm going to take my written test for my license to wish me luck! :) But that's about it!
So until next time.

Kirstie.hope [♥]

Alright so I'm having a very difficult time deciding what I want to do for the future. It's come down to... Trying to get my kinesiology course into my second semester with the drama production.. if I can't do that, then I'm dropping right out. Now the problem is, that I can't make a god damn appointment because the people at the highschool are on some sort of power trip and they kicked me out. Sure I made an appointment but they didn't tell me the time, just so I'd go to class to get the slip.Now if that's not retarded, I don't know what is. So I'm going to go in today after school and make an appointment and get the god damn time. Hopefully. I don't really want to go back to highschool anyway. I definitely feel like I'm done with it. I thought I'd never want to leave, but now that I know my dad is going to let me move in with him, I'm all for moving out. Not only am I sorely sick of Belleville but it's too hard to find a job. Anyway I don't really want to go back to highschool but I need that class. I mean it'll help my greatly to have it, and they don't offer it in corrospondance. Some things that are on my mind are, that if I drop out, I need a full time job, which I don't think I could stand, I want to move out earlier, which will leave my mom in a tight spot and then just going back to school will probably put my in a deep depression.
 I really can't decide what I want to do. But I figure if I drop out, and then ask to come back second semester, they'll probably let me. I just don't have money to buy new dress code. And I have no dress code. It's sad. This is kind of stressful.

So I recently had a run in with a creeper which wasn't fun. Long story short, we talked for like a month and got along really well so we decided to meet when he moved back to Belleville for college. Ugh, just UGH. Horrible. He smelled and was all up on me. Just not cool. So I swore off meeting people online. .... until last night. -_- I checked my dating site thing out of habit and this guy Mac had messaged me and I was like 'okay whatever I'll talk to him' but then we ended up talking on MSN til 4 am. I hate myself. But at least he's like really cute. And he's interested in me so far. I'm just waiting for some form of rejection to come. So I think I'll actually meet him soon. He's got a job too. Boner! So I'm going to be careful because meeting people online seems to be a habit of mine, and I need to stop that. Can I not just meet someone at work, or in the mall or something like normal people!? Apparently not.

So there's a little bit of my life right now. Mac so far = cool. School sitch = not decided. Job = not full time please. Yay!